i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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