grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
