I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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