I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
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you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.