my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem