im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
