I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out