WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat