That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
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We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
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Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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