Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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