What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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