I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize