Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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