if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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