my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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