Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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