Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
