why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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