Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
