I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!