I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.