I love black thongs
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ