Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.