this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
she smelled like a LAN party
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Found your dick twin last night
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.