Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
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the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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