that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Alive.
So much puke
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
