Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I am puke
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just found puke in my bra..
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
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