I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
