I'm going to jail i love you
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
