yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
