Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
