you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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