so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.