Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
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Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
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Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something