i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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