I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
