Pappa wants mamma naked
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
