sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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