batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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