I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
