Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
