Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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