Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
