Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
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Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
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He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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