i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
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his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
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I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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