i think my tv is drunk
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
