I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
