i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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