but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
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He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
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I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize