evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
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please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
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My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.