The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
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