I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.