Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
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Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
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I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.