in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
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Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We left the knife in your bed.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
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Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender