she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize