Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
