did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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