Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
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is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
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You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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