I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
