I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She bit a glass in half.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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