I have demons in me.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize