Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
