the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
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I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
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Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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