About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
